


Memory

by greywardenblue



Category: The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells
Genre: Gen, Unreliable Narrator, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greywardenblue/pseuds/greywardenblue
Summary: Murderbot returns to Preservation and reunites with its fellow SecUnit.
Relationships: Murderbot & SecUnit 3 (Murderbot Diaries)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 67
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Memory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [antonomasia09](https://archiveofourown.org/users/antonomasia09/gifts).



“The hardest thing to accept about having children is that they’re their own people, and sometimes that person will be the complete opposite of you, or anything you wanted for them,” Dr Mensah said kindly.

I frowned. “I don’t have or _want_ any children,” I said. 

“Uh, excuse ME?” Amena said. I could see through the camera feed that she was gesturing to herself, but I ignored her.

“And Aoide certainly isn’t my child,” I insisted. The thought itself was horrifying, for several reasons that I could have easily listed, but really didn’t want to. “It’s not _a_ child at all.”

Dr Mensah nodded, but she had a strange look on her face that made me think she didn’t believe me. I didn’t like that. Honestly, I didn’t like most of this conversation. And all I had to blame for starting it was myself.

The truth is, I’d been starting to get used to looking at them through my own eyes. Not all people, of course not, but… some of them. Dr Mensah and her children, and some of the others. Iris, and some of ART’s crew. Maybe most of ART’s crew, by the end of our trip. And yet, this conversation was uncomfortable enough that I was back to staring at the wall and only watching my two conversational partners through the camera.

Oh, and I was gripping the chair so hard that I was pretty sure it would leave a mark, but that was another matter.

“Not exactly, no,” Mensah said finally, after a pause that would have been suspiciously long for a bot or a construct, but was fairly average for a human. “But it is somebody you helped introduce to this world, somebody who is only just figuring itself out. You are annoyed because…”

“I’m not annoyed,” I said quickly, and I didn’t sound annoyed, at all.

Dr Mensah raised her hands in defense, so maybe I did sound a little bit annoyed. “I apologize. I shouldn’t be making assumptions about your feelings.” I almost told her that she couldn’t make assumptions about things that didn’t exist, but that was untrue in several ways, so I didn’t say it. “All I’m saying is, Aoide is making some choices that you would never consider making for yourself, and maybe you find it difficult to be supportive. But that doesn’t make those choices wrong. And I think you would make it happy by showing a little interest.”

“It values your opinion a lot,” Amena added. “You know, like friends do.”

That was annoying, because I happened to value Amena’s opinion, and I didn’t like what she was saying, and Aoide wasn’t my friend.

\--

When I left on my last trip with ART and its crew, the SecUnit Murderbot 2.0 dumped my memories onto was going by the name Trey, which I thought was a bit unoriginal. By the time I got back to Preservation, it had apparently gone through over a dozen names in an effort to ‘find the one that fit’, sometimes discarding its current name after only a few hours.

Amena was its biggest cheerleader, always being on top of the latest name and immediately correcting anyone who was out of the loop. I didn’t really understand why the humans needed that help, since Aoide’s feedname was always visible, regardless of what it was at the moment. Amena said it was something about human habits being hard to break, which didn’t make it easier to understand.

I confess, when I first saw my fellow rogue SecUnit, I almost stopped in surprise. It now had long hair which it wore in a braid (a result of changing the code affecting its organic parts that would let it grow the hair in the first place), and it looked… well, like a human. It was an uncomfortable feeling, and made me immediately check my appearance to make sure nobody could mistake _me_ for one. Of course, passing as an augmented human was a safety requirement in most places, but in Preservation, it was safer to be more like what I was. And having to pass as a human because it was easier didn’t mean I _liked_ it.

This time I found it in one of the common areas that was empty at this time of the day.

“What are you watching?” I asked.

“ _AI, My Love_ ,” it said without looking up.

I could feel my performance rating drop by several points.

 _AI, My Love_ was a series I kept coming across while looking for new media to watch, despite my efforts to avoid it. It was one of those romantic dramas where

It was about a fictionalized bot/construct that _fell in love with a human_. It was a type of human-looking bot that didn’t have an exact real-life match - it wasn’t like a ComfortUnit, it had its own free will, and it sure as hell wasn’t a SecUnit. Also, it was played by a human, which should honestly tell you everything you need to know. (Hint: it was even worse than having human-form bots play SecUnits.)

Amena said I should show interest.

“Why are you watching that?” I forced the question out, and I tried to sound normal, although I was screaming internally.

Aoide shrugged, with a motion that looked so much like Amena that I didn’t need to wonder where it got the gesture from. “It’s interesting,” it said finally, although the length of the pause suggested it was either lying, or it wasn’t quite sure about the answer.

“Interesting?” That was certainly one word for it. I was silent for an awkwardly long time. “Okay, but what about the parts where they… take off their clothes and… do you like that sort of thing?”

Aoide frowned. “No, not really. They look rather uncomfortable.”

That was a relief. There were limits to what kind of conversations I was willing to have.

“But,” Aoide said with an almost imperceptible pause after the word - imperceptible for a human, that is, “Holding hands doesn't seem bad. Hugs are... pleasant. Amena gives nice hugs. Have you ever tried?”

“I have not and I will not,” I said. Then I realized that sounded a bit emotional. “I have… been in physical contact with people before, when it was needed. But I don’t prefer it.” It wasn’t always bad. Sometimes it was almost nice, if it was someone like Dr Mensah. But most of the time when I touched someone, it was because I knew that they needed the touch and the warmth of another body to be comforted. I didn’t share that urge.

Aoide shrugged again. “If you say so.” We were both silent for a bit longer, then I noticed it changed its feed name to _Mneme_.

I quickly checked the list Amena gave me, then said, “This is the third time you settled on using that name. You have used other names twice, but not three times.” I paused. “Why this one?”

“It means memory,” Mneme said, like I didn’t already know that. (Obviously, I did, because I looked it up when I first got Amena’s list. I looked up all the names, wondering what their significance could have been to it.)

I didn’t know why I wanted so hard to understand. We weren’t the same.

“Memory of what?” I asked.

Again, there was a pause. Overall, this conversation was going much slower than I have come to expect from another construct, but with about the same speed as I came to expect with humans. Dr Mensah once said it was because humans needed more time to process their emotions.

Hah, _emotions_.

“Of One and Two,” Mneme said finally, and I was surprised that I hadn’t expected that. “I keep wondering what they might be like without their governor module. What they would want to do. What kind of things they would like. What names they would choose. I know it is irrational.”

“It is,” I said. I thought back to my first survey with Mensah when I still insisted that SecUnits weren't sentimental about each other. I was starting to realize that maybe we were even less unified than I thought.

“But you understand. You have a friend, too.”

I was pretty sure it meant ART, but for the fraction of a second, I thought of Miki. That was stupid. I didn’t wonder what kind of things Miki liked - I knew exactly what and who Miki liked. It was never subtle about its emotions, or its attachments.

That kind of made it worse.

“I don’t do friends,” I lied. “Don’t trust what Amena says. If she says that I have a _relationship_ with anyone, don’t believe her. She has a very human understanding of things.”

Mneme nodded. “Do you want to watch something together?” it asked.

I eyed it suspiciously. “ _AI, My Love_?”

It smiled. That looked a bit strange, but not unpleasant. “I’m sure we can come to a compromise.”


End file.
